All But not those
by Lady Morgain
Summary: You’ll give up all the other nights… But not those, when for just a moment, you believe you’re free.


**Authors notes:** Ok, so it's like one hour and fourtyfour minutes past midnight over here as I'm writing this. Needless to say I'm not feeling very awake... As I wrote this little story I was thinking about Remus and Sirius (never mind in what order) after they graduated let's say about 19 years old maybe older. But since no names are mentioned you could fill in any other couple you like, I'm open to ideas feel free to tell me who you picture together when you read this. As for the story: It's short and I don't know if it expresses the darkness I allways feel during thunderstorms, a feeling combined out of fear, love and a desire to drench myself... Oh well, for now I'm satisefied. Please note English is not my native language and I haven't got a beta, I appologize for any grammar mistakes of typos.

**Disclaimer:** I wish... Never mind about what my wishes are...

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And as you try to scream you realise you're unable to. His hand covering your mouth is suddenly completely unnecessary. Even if that hand, that hated, ever dominating hand, the hand that's saying '_look who is in control_', even if it wasn't there, you would bite your own lips until they bled but not utter even the smallest sound.

You open up to him. Let him do what he wants and in the end, you let him go. Leaving you. Your bare skin, covered with sweat, exposed to the cold night air. The window must be open for the wind is gushing in. You want to pull up the sheets but you remain still, unable to move. It's as if a spell holds you there. His spell.

After the wind comes the rain. The thunder storm that has been brooding al day finally arrives. You hear it roaring and you see the lightning, those few seconds almost as bright as the day. Brightness that is never yours. You live in darkness. Darkness that is you, your life, your story. Not that you mind. You love the darkness within you, within him.

The pain almost becomes to much to bear and just when you think about finally screaming out, now, even though it's been over for hours, you find your body going numb and the pain leaves within less than a second.

You panic. Where did it go? Wasn't that pain yours? Yours to bear and yours only? Isn't that actual pain your right? Didn't you own it? You sit up straight and suddenly in a moment of self-consciousness your arms find the power to pull up those sheets in a quick almost animal like motion.

You throw on some cloths and practically run to the open window. See, you knew it was open, you did feel the rain. You lean outward allowing your face and your hair to get soaked. You decide it's not enough and you sit down upon the windowsill your legs on the outside so that most of your body is getting wet now.

Slowly you're getting cold and you let out a sigh of relieve. Feeling, pain, it's returning and you are already feeling better. But it's not enough yet. You step out of the window, onto the grass, remembering how you love your room is on the ground level allowing you escape into the garden at any moment, day or night.

You're starting to run. Slowly at first, but faster, always getting faster. Until your lungs burst, screaming for oxygen and your cloths stick to your body because of all the water pouring down from the sky. Still the thunder storm rules the land, and you let it rule you. You let yourself fall, down upon the soaking wet grass. The smell tickles your nose and you stroke the green strands as if the grass were your lover.

For how long you stay there you don't know. But when you get up the rain is still pouring and in the east day is breaking, a watery sun trying to push the clouds away. You never notice him until his arms slid around your waist and he pulls you close.

His voice is soft when he starts talking to you and you dare take his hand in yours and he allows it.

"Where were you last night, when I needed you more then ever?"

You shrug and you reply in nothing more than a whisper.

"I can't remember."

He pulls you ever closer if that is even possible.

"Don't ever leave me again during a storm like that, I can't stand the thunder. Not without you close to me."

And you nod in reply. The nod saying '_I'll be there, I won't leave you ever again_'. But you both know it's not true. Next time, when the rain comes, when the pain leaves your body and you want to feel cold, you'll run outside again and feel the rain. And he'll be alone again, waiting for you to crawl next to him and hold him in your arms until sunrise.

The other nights are his. He owns you and you love it. But the thunderstorms are yours. When you determine the amount of pain you take and you determine how cold you will get. You'll give up all the other nights… But not those, when for just a moment, you believe you're free.

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That's all folks, feel free to leave a review, I promise I'll reply. Hugs + kisses

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